Updated: Nov 25, 2021
One of the most common reasons our customers need a private investigator is that they believe their partner is cheating on them. Quite often there is a ‘gut’ feeling, usually accompanied by tell-tale signs that there is something wrong.
Here we will give you a little heads up of things to look for. Each of the signs are not a 100% guarantee that your partner is cheating on you, but they are good indicators that you may want to keep an eye on things or address certain issues.
If any of the reasons below are relatable or if they arouse suspicion, I would recommend getting in touch. A private investigator could be exactly what you need to get the answers you deserve.
So, let’s get in to it…
1 - Mobile Phones
The world we live in today has seen mobile phones almost become an extension of the human arm, almost everyone can be found within arm’s length of their mobile at any given time of the day…
So, when someone changes their behaviour and becomes more secretive than usual with their phone, it’s no surprise that alarm bells should be ringing.
1. Have you noticed that they have started to put their phone on silent, or do not disturb? It could be a sign.
2. Have they stopped allowing you to use their phone, or look at it without them peering over your shoulder? That can be unusual.
3. Do they leave the room to take calls? Possibly something to be concerned about.
4. Can they not leave the room, even momentarily without taking their phone with them? What is the reason for this?
5. Have they changed their password? Another red-flag!
6. Are they unobtainable? Do you struggle to get hold of them when they are out? Surely your significant other would want to know if you needed them?
To be bold, these behaviours should all raise suspicion.
There are so many ways nowadays for people to communicate outside of their relationships. Social media platforms, dating apps etc all make it quicker, easier and more discreet for your partner to be lead astray and get involved in a relationship outside of the one they have with you.
Now I’m not suggesting that you go snooping through your partners phone, as I think trust needs to be reciprocated, but you should be aware of the list above and keep track of anything that appears new or unusual, as this may be the first sign that you have a cheating partner and one step closer to finding out the truth.
2 - Appearance
When your partner has met someone new, they may not even realise it themselves, but they will probably be making subtle changes to their behaviour and appearance in order to impress their new love interest, right under your nose.
1. Have you noticed that your partner has started dressing differently?
2. Have they bought new clothes, new jewellery, statement pieces perhaps?
3. Do they shower more? Are they hiding smells? Perfumes, sweat, sex.
4. Do they wear perfume/cologne more regularly whereas before they would have only worn it for special occasions?
5. We have found that some cheaters have even been known to ‘groom’ themselves downstairs more in order to impress their new lover.
3 - Schedule (Theirs & Yours)
As you can imagine, when there is someone new on the scene, someone who is cheating will be trying to find ways to squeeze their new lover into their routine.
Things to look out for:
1. Longer working hours/working away – Has your partner all of a sudden started to get home later than usual? Do they leave earlier in the morning to get to work? Have they got a business trip scheduled or an overnight stay that just doesn’t sit right with you? If it doesn’t feel right, its usually not.
2. Excuses – Have you noticed that there is always ‘something’ happening that means your partner isn’t around when they should be.
· Do they keep getting stuck in traffic?
· Are they always doing overtime?
· Doing extra gym workouts?
All legit reasons for not being home for an hour here or there, but should they be believed?
3. Work functions/crew nights – Has your partner started going out during the week for drinks with workmates? Often innocent, but not always!
Extra tip: A cheating partner is likely to try everything they can in order to not get caught. If your partner starts asking what you're up to all of the time, you may find that it isn’t necessarily them being interested in what you do, but that they are trying to figure out where and when their windows of opportunity are going to be for them to meet their ‘other’ other half.
4 - Hobbies & Interests
It isn’t uncommon for people to take up a new hobby or to take pleasure from something new. We all do it, but it can be a sign that something is going on, especially when paired with other factors.
New hobbies such as sports and the gym are very common for people who have started having an affair. The obvious reason for this is that they want to look better and feel better, but it’s also a good excuse to use when they want to get away.
For example, ‘going to the gym’ is an easy way to buy your partner a few hours, a reason to come home hot and sweaty and need to take a shower. It’s also a convenient and sometimes fun place for them to meet up with their new ‘friend’.
Things to look out for:
1. Has your partner suddenly decided to go to a gym or get into shape?
2. Have they joined a new club?
3. Have they become interested in something that they had never mentioned before or even showed any interest in?
Just a few reasons to be cautious and vigilant when you’ve got a gut feeling that your partner is cheating.
One thing to take note of is, when you start to speak to your partner about their new hobbies, do they become dismissive or vague when you decide to talk about it?
This may be a way of them hiding what they get up to and trying to not speak about it so that they don’t slip up and accidentally get caught out.
5 - Sex
A change in sex and intimacy can be an indicator that your partner is cheating. Dry-spells aren’t unheard of and happen in most relationships at one point or another. However, it can work both ways, so it can be a little confusing.
1. If your partner suddenly starts to show you an overload of attention (love-bombs) this could be to try and show you how much you mean to them, how attracted they are to you and to try and mask any doubt you may have that they are getting their needs satisfied elsewhere, as they are getting what they need at home. Smoke and mirrors.
2. Alternatively, if sex diminishes or becomes completely non-existent it can be a sign that your partner is no longer interested in intimacy at home and they are fulfilling their desires with someone else.
3. It could even be the fact that the amount of sex has stayed the same, but things just feel ‘different’.
Only you will know what feels right and wrong.
6 - Money
Transparency, for many this is a key factor in a relationship. It shows honesty and trust. So, when your partner becomes discreet around money, there is usually a reason for it. It could be innocent and they could be planning a big surprise. But we have found that this is not always the case.
Some of the signs:
1. Have you noticed unusual transactions coming out of your partners bank account?
2. Do they seem to have less money than you would expect? Unexpected financial struggles?
3. Has your partner stopped saving or planning for bigger things? Such as holidays, buying a house, a new car etc.
Let’s be realistic, building a relationship with someone new costs money. Date nights, meals, drinks, hotels, travel are all areas where your partner may be spending their cash. Look out for receipts, bank statements, even post in the mail as this can all be evidence of infidelity.
7 - Communication
As with all sorts of relationships, whether business, friendships, or love, communication is key and it is one of the first things that breaks down when things just aren’t right.
This can happen in many ways:
1. You may find that your partner is no longer willing to engage in conversation in ways that they normally would.
2. They can show disinterest in things when you tell them about your day or even completely shut you down and not listen at all.
3. A common tactic used by cheating partners is to avoid uncomfortable topics. They will try to change subject and steer the direction of the conversation elsewhere.
4. Communication isn’t just verbal, as it is widely known that around 70% of communication is expressed through body language. If you notice your partner’s body language has changed towards you, it can be a sign that there is trouble in paradise. It could be that they are trying to hide something from you, it could be that they are scared and trying not to get caught.
If you found the topics above useful, here are a few extra tips that may just be what you need to help you make up your mind and figure out if your partner is cheating after all.
1. Telling you that they wish you were different - If your partner starts telling you that you need to chill out more, be more adventurous, more outgoing, funnier etc, it can be a sign that these are characteristics they like about someone else that they have developed a significant relationship with.
2. Friends behave differently – If you notice that your partners friends start behaving differently around you, it can be a sign that they know what your partner is up to. This will naturally make them feel anxious and awkward around you. They know what their friend is doing and feel as though they are part of the secret.
If this blog about how to spot a cheating partner resonates with you and you feel you need to find answers, get in touch today to see how we can help 01217518292 or 07794050470.